Archive for the ‘Relationships/Dating’ Category

 

A couple days ago I was on the phone with a friend of mine, and I was telling her a story. At one point in my story I said “..so I was just doing my thing and mingling..” Then right then and there she cut me off and said “you mean flirting”. I was kind of taken back like “what the hell do you mean flirting?!”

 

Her explanation was this:

 

“Danny, anybody who knows you KNOWS that you don’t just talk or mingle. Pretty much every conversation you have is in a flirtatious manner.”

 

So I sat back to think about this for a second, and realized she’s freaking right!

I definitely have a very flirty energy about me. Probably because flirting keeps conversations light and easy going. I mean who the hell wants to be in a tense and direct conversation at a party or at the bar or at the gym? So instead of getting defensive, I reflected on what my friend said to me, and began to own the “flirty” label. If you think about it doesn’t every affectionate situation start with fun and light conversation?

 

I do LOVE women, I love interacting with women, I love trying to understand how they think and feel, but does that mean I am trying to “get on” every woman I come in contact with? Absolutely not. I wouldn’t consider myself a “player” or a hook-up expert, but when it comes to having easy-going interactions/conversations with people I definitely would consider myself better than many people.  We all have our strengths and weaknesses, and I am NO exception, but I would consider human interaction as one of my strengths.

 

 

Sometimes this personality trait can get me into trouble though..

  • I have some girls think I am “in love” with them after one interaction. I am being dead serious. After ONE conversation! Ladies, this is not realistic. NEVER leave a conversation with a guy thinking this because chances are you’ll end up disappointed. This is not my intention when approaching you (to get you to fall for me, and then say see ya!).
  •  I have also had many dudes who have thought I was interested, and asked for my phone number. I have NOTHING against gay people, so I tell them I am flattered but not interested. However, I REALLY must have a flirty personality towards everybody then, huh?
  • It also has brought up some issues in past relationships, as you can probably imagine.

 

I think the word “flirting” has a bad rap though. When I am flirting with a girl it isn’t to hook up, or start a relationship, or even mean I am interested in having anything beyond a friendship. It is just to keep the conversation light, fun, and interesting. What is the alternative? Asking direct, intense, questions like a fucking interview? C’mon now, we ALL are trying to keep things light and fun in social situations.

 

Which brings me to the whole point of this blog. Some people need the following tips when interacting. Many of you have probably hooked up with more people than I have. Cool. Many of you may have had more relationships than I have. Cool. Many of you probably have all this shit already figured out. Cool. HOWEVER, I also like to be an observer. I have just sat back and observed MANY different types of interactions throughout college and high school, and how many people struggle with this… I PERSONALLY have felt wicked uncomfortable just from watching people interact! Some of you definitely need a pen and paper to write the tips I am about to give you down. I am talking to you girls too!

 

As some of you know I am trying to expand College Body from just a health/fitness blog to a complete college lifestyle blog. Along with fitness, relationships are one of my big interests, so I enjoy writing about this stuff too! So here they are, my tips on how to flirt:

 

  1. Smile & Laugh: It’s hard to flirt with people who are pissed off at the world, and there is NO bigger turn on than a girl who laughs at my jokes. If a somebody is laughing at the stuff I am saying then I am a lot more likely to stay around and chat.
  2. Be a Little Self-deprecating (just a little): If you are telling me how great you are there are 3 things going through my head 1) You’re probably not really that great 2) Shut the hell up & 3) I gotta go. NOW I want to be very specific; do NOT be insecure (saying you are ugly, dumb, etc. just so the other person will say “no you’re not”). When I say self-deprecating I mean if you trip then laugh, if you have a hole in your pants then make a joke, or if you spill your drink make a joke about being clumsy. Humans are interesting individuals. If you try to put your “status” above theirs then they will instantly not like you. However, if you say “Hey, I am human” and just roll with it then you come off as a lot more attractive.
  3. Ask Questions: People like to talk about themselves. It can be boring to listen to people talk about themselves though, so ask questions you really want to know. For example, I was visiting a college recently, and legitimately wanted to know what the college life was like at this particular university, so I asked a bunch of questions related to that. She was happy because she got to talk about herself, and I was happy because I was actually interested and learned a few things.
  4. No Need For Pick-up Lines, just say “Hi”: This one was hard for me personally figure out because I love that scene from the movie Wedding Crashers  where Owen Wilson approaches Rachel McAdams at the gift table and pretends to be a “gift naming psychic”. If you never have scene the movie he basically is real smooth and funny and he gets the beautiful Rachel McAdams to become interested. Of course if you have that skill then do it, but a lot of us do not. Just walk up and say Hi, and guess what? She’ll (or he’ll) probably say “Hi” back. From there just introduce yourself, and it’s off to the races!

 

Have your own “flirting” strategies? Tips on interacting with people? Leave a comment and let me know.

A couple weeks ago I blogged about the top 5 qualities a guy looks for in a girl. So it is only fair to provide an opinion from the opposite point of view. However, since I don’t know what it is like to think like a female, I had blogger Tonya Vrba help me out! So here is something for my fellow dudes to think about!

Author Bio: Tonya Vrba is a passionate writer. Her work has been published in newspapers and blogs. She is currently an active writer for Online Dating Sites. Learn more about Tonya and her work at her personal websitetonyavrba.wordpress.com.

Five Qualities Women Find Attractive in Men

It’s an age old question: what do women want? Just like women, men have a constant craving to know what the opposite sex finds attractive. Here are 5 qualities women love to see in men that creates immediate attraction.

1)      A big brilliant smile goes a long way. Smiles tell women many things. If you show your teeth you appear confident. If you add a laugh to the smile we see your happiness. There is nothing like meeting the eyes of a man and seeing his face light up at the sight of you. All those pictures you took with your arms crossed and a frown on your face are fine if you want to be a body guard. If you want to attract a woman, turn that frown upside-down

2)      Protect us. Some may say that a woman needs a strong or muscular man, but that is a flawed idea. It’s not all about the looks; it’s about how safe we feel with you. Any good hearted woman will not judge you on your physical flaws. Instead, we want to know that you are there for us. When we have a bad day, when we get into fights with friends, or when someone is being rude to us in public we want you to come to our rescue. Women want their men to be their hero.

3)      Be a family man. Women want to know that their man has a soft side as well. Listening to how important your mom is to you or watching you play with your nieces and nephews is amazing. Even if a woman doesn’t plan on having a family of her own, the amount of care and devotion a man shows his family is also reflective of the devotion you may show your life partner some day. Being a family man is not always about wanting a family; it’s about the love and compassion to show to the most important people in your life. It’s important to note the term family is used loosely here. If you are not close to your blood relatives, perhaps your friends are your family. The same rules apply.

4)      Honesty is key. Don’t forget this one, guys. Honesty is more than just not cheating on us. We want to be able to talk to you and get your honest answer. If we ask if a pair of jeans looks good on us, tell us the truth. If you’re really not ready to meet our parents yet, then say so. We ask your opinion for a reason.

5)      Take control. Women are strong and we like it that way. We like to make our own decisions and live our life the way we want. That being said, sometimes we need a man to take control. If you bow to a woman’s every whim, we may start to feel less like your lover and more like your caretaker. If there is something you really want to do, then take control and make it happen. Just remember to be respectful of our feelings in the process.

The woman of your dreams will love you for who you are. Don’t freak out about your appearance aside from being healthy. Women are often looking for qualities that define you as an individual. We want to admire you and we want you to be our hero. Be confident in yourself and women will fall at your feet. Don’t forget to smile.

Thanks for hooking up a guest post, Tonya! Do you ladies agree? Leave a comment or send me an email at collegebody.gmail.com

What’s up guys?! I have been MIA, I know, but a lot has been going on!

1) I just finished my Spring Break Program AHHhhhhhh yeeeeaaaa!!

2) I have been studying to get ACSM certified, so I can become a VIP Personal Trainer

AND

3) I FINALLY transferred my blog to my own URl! It’s about time, right?

 

A couple of blogs ago I told you guys how much I like reading about the ladies/dating/relationship stuff, and I wrote my first dating/relationship blog. A lot of you really seemed to relate to it and like it! So here I am to write about something else dealing with dating. Both guys and girls are attracted to confidence. A confident dude/girl just has a certain feel about them that we want to be around, don’t they? Confidence is something you can just feel on somebody. The way they walk, talk, smile, do things, etc. You can just feel it on another person, and it is appealing to you. However, there is a VERY fine line between confidence & arrogance, and us dudes have serious issues on separating the two.

 

 

Chances are, if you feel the need to talk about yourself, it’s going to come off as arrogance, which is really just a cover up for insecurity. Those who can sit, listen, and be genuinely interested in another individual are the confident ones. I mean it makes sense, right? If you can just cool-aid & not feel the internal need to tell somebody all your wonderful qualities that probably means you are comfortable with who you are, so you don’t have to tell anybody else, right?

 

Everybody wants to be MORE confident, but that shit is not easy I get that. So today I am going to hook you up with College Body’s top tips for increasing your confidence.

 

Get Out of Your Comfort Zone: “Practice makes perfect” The more you practice getting out of your comfort zone, the more comfortable you will feel in “uncomfortable” situations, ultimately making you never uncomfortable, which equals more confidence! Does that make sense or not even slightly? This is the hardest one to practice on this list because nobody is down to feel uncomfortable, ESPECIALLY on a college campus. Don’t act like you’ve never met somebody one night at a party (maybe because you’ve had a few drinks?), then saw them on Monday across campus, but you both ignore each other. Just because it is comfortable to not engage in a conversation with them. So every opportunity you get to step out of your zone, do so! If you feel uncomfortable asking questions in class, ask more questions. If you are uncomfortable talking to the opposite sex, talk more. If you are uncomfortable dancing at a party, dance more! Anything that you have to say “I will look/feel stupid”, do it! Good luck 🙂

Act Confidently: This is CRAZY how this method works! Actually walk around and PRETEND to be confident even if you’re not. EVERY single time I teach an exercise class I get so nervous & insecure on the inside, but right before I start to teach I consciously change how I act. I make my voice a little deeper, talk a little more clearly, smile, and change how I walk. I am kind of a “drooped shoulders” walker, but when I walk in I push out my chest and walk with a little swag. The way people respond is INSANE. They say how much the loved the class, and are drawn towards me SO much more than when I am just sitting quietly in all of my school classes. Crazy right? All because I pretend!

Just Know EVERYBODY Is Insecure: This one is something that we ALL forget. EVERYBODY IS INSECURE. Every single person you walk past has their own insecurities & own issues. If you think they are judging you, guess what? They are thinking the SAME THING! Those who realize this will feel a world of weight lifted off their shoulders.

Small signs that give the other person a sense that you are confident or not:

1) How you walk: Walking around with heavy shoulders, eyes facing down, or your steps are unsure are all signs of somebody who is not confident. When you walk know where you are going, and go there with a little swag in your step

2) How you shake hands: What a lot of people don’t know is that BOTH too light of a handshake AND too strong of a handshake show a lack of confidence. If somebody is too heavy they are trying to overcompensate for their insecurity (kind of like the arrogant talking individual), and nobody likes blood flow cut off in their hand anyway.. Something to keep in mind

3) How you talk: Shaky & quiet voices are cues to somebody else that you lack confidence.

 

These are very difficult concepts to grasp. I know it is a difficult thing to overcome the insecurities we have because of the pressure society puts on all of us. There is no switch you’ll be able to hit and all of a sudden you will have these things. This will take PRACTICE & time! However, if you can improve in these areas, you will see your confidence DRASTICALLY improve compared to your peers.

 

What situations make you feel uncomfortable? Let me know! Collegebody@gmail.com.

The more I blog, the more I enjoy it. It is a good way to put my random thoughts down, and you guys have given me some awesome feedback . A couple goals I set for myself in 2012 for my blog were 1) Increase its popularity 2) Blog more regularly & 3) Turn it into a complete “college lifestyle” blog. One of those “college lifestyle” blogs I wanted to write about was relationships/dating. I am FASCINATED with people interactions with one anther, how people think, and all that and where are new relationships more prevalent than a college campus? Students on college campuses are constantly experimenting, figuring out their likes/dislikes, dating, and forming new relationships.

Some of you may enjoy my knowledge & point of view of all this stuff & others may be thinking “Just shut up & post workouts, Dan” which is cool too.. But I think most of you will enjoy these type blogs! Don’t all you ladies out there want to know how us dudes think? Why we do/say what we do? What is going through our minds during a certain conversation?

My Friend Luisa & I 🙂

As a guy, I DEFINITELY have an interest in how women think. I’m not going to lie I am a little bit of a flirt, I really enjoy talking and hanging out with women & going on dates, so of course I am going to want to know how females think to get an edge over other dudes. I just finished reading this book called “The Female Brain” (don’t judge) and learned a TON of information of how women think & why they do some of the things they do.

So today, I wanted to write a blog for all my female followers out there on how to dudes think, and how to get an edge on other girls. I know that there is a stereotype that all us dudes think about is sex…. and that is true.. I mean our testosterone levels are through the roof, and we can’t help it! So don’t take it personally.. Below I listed my top 5 characteristics in girls that will make us dudes look past just tryin to “get on it” and actually make us want to spend time with you, have a conversation, or form a relationship.

1) Confidence: Yep, that number one thing that is most appealing to you girls when a guy approaches you is the same for us. Look, we ALL have our own insecurities that we have to deal with, but if you don’t like yourself how can we like you? If you constantly put yourself down looking for us to “pick up your self-esteem” we can’t hang out for long. Like my boy Kat Williams says, “..it’s called SELF-esteem..” you can’t rely on anybody else to help your confidence but YOU.

2)Intelligence: It is hard to generalize for ALL males, but definitely for me, a chick with no brains is a serious red flag.. Not necessarily a rocket scientist, but a girl who has multiple interests, and talk about a variety of things. If all we talk about is what your girlfriend Cindy said to HER boyfriend Chad my mind is going to wonder off to football, and what I am going to eat for lunch. “Want to be more interesting? Develop more interests”.

3) Sense Of Humor: Yes, that chick Chelsea Handler is VERY funny, and that is an attractive trait, but that is not the only thing I mean when I say sense of humor. If a girl laughs at my jokes, or can dish a couple back, that is a definitely somebody I want to hang around. Something about not taking shit too seriously is a positive.

4) Independence: All of you ladies that have your own thing going on keep doing what you are doing! If you NEED a boyfriend, or have no interests/opinions of you’re own that is not that most appealing thing. If you agree with everything I say I am going to lose interest real fast.

5) Ambition: This is another trait that women like in men, correct? Well guess what, we also like a girl with ambition. If you have goals or work hard towards something, that is a BIG turn on. Again, this is my opinion, but I am sure most other dudes would agree in that a girl whom wants to do some stuff in her life is way more appealing than the alternative.

Again, it is tough to generalize & say ALL guys look for these things or whatever, but honestly girls, you don’t want a dude who doesn’t want these things from you.

These are all things that we ALL can improve on, but it takes some work. I hope this helps you ladies to know that yeah, we are thinking about your body, but we do notice other things too! Let me know what you look for in a girl or guy in a comment below or at CollegBody@gmail.com.

Brandon Noland

Brandon Noland is one of my best friends. A little over a month ago Brandon passed away in a tragic offshore accident. This is my first time mentioning the death of my friend because I really don’t like to think about it. Since the time Brandon passed I have been doing a lot of thinking, and I would like to share with you guys lessons I have learned since that hapless day.

(For those that don’t know, for an offshore job, you go off in the Gulf to work your ass off for two weeks, and then you get to come home for two weeks.)

*The following story is 100% true, except for the times. I estimated the times the best I could.*

Saturday, August 16th

I was finishing up a 17.5 hour drive coming into Katy, Texas (my hometown) from spending all summer in North Carolina. It had been a while since I’ve seen all of my friends, and a lot of them happened to be in town. I was about 30 minutes from my house, and my boy Brandon hits me up to see where I was. I called Brandon earlier that week to let him know I would be in town the same weekend he would be home from being offshore. He was telling me that he just received a call saying he had to be back offshore the following morning, so we make plans to hang out that night. So I make some phone calls to put together some sort of going away party for B, and of course, a welcoming party for myself. Turns out, some of our other friends were already planning a little something something, not for us, but I like to think it was. So I go home to eat, shower, put my fancy pants on, and get ready for a good night.

8:00pm: I walk into the party, and greet everybody.

8:01pm:

Brandon Noland (BN) “What’s up, scrub (to me)”

Danny Coleman (DC) “PLEASE tell me this chump isn’t addressing me as “scrub” (to everybody else, while pointing at Brandon).

8:02pm We dap each other up, and swap a couple man stories.

8:10pm: Brandon, myself, and our friend Tyler sit down, and begin to swap additional man stories.

*This is the type of relationship Brandon and I had. We liked to mess with each other a lot. We are both competitive people that want to win at whatever it is we do, and we ALWAYS competed against each other. We would talk shit back and fourth, then crack jokes together, and tell funny stories, and then repeat. We never really had too many serious or “deep” conversations, angry interactions, or anything like that, it just wasn’t our style.

9:03pm: I am making moves on some hunnies, telling jokes (that I think are funny), they aren’t interested.

9:05pm:

BN “Danny! Quit being a bitch, and come play this game.”

DC “B-nol, let’s be realistic, you don’t want me to come over there and defeat you at your own little game.”

BN “Just come play so I beat your ass real quick.”

9:08pm: He finally convinces me to play.

9:24pm: I win the game. Nice.

9:25pm: BN continues to talk trash.

9:26pm: I accept his rematch.

9:50pm: He beats me. I’m pissed.

9:50pm: I don’t say one word. Set the game up for a best out of three. Brandon understands the concept of tying (1 to 1) is not an option.

10:09pm: I win. I am the champion of the night. I talk trash for the rest of the night, and refuse all other rematch challanges. Why? Because I am the champion. See, I am not like Brandon in a sense that if he won game three, and I asked for a rematch, he would have granted it to me. I am not so kind, I walk away a champion.

11:24pm: Brandon and I are leaning up against a counter in the kitchen.

11:25pm: I look over at Brandon. He seems to have a very serious demeanor, and is staring slightly down towards the ground.

*Remember, this dude is somebody I consider one of my best friends, but it just wasn’t our style to get too serious. We just liked to have a good time, and keep the energy light at all times. We all have our friends that are good for different things. Some for serious conversations, and advice. Others for fun, and are always pleasant to be around. Brandon was my pleasant person, and I like to think I was his. Maybe not, but I like to think so.

11:26pm:

DC “What the hell is wrong with you?”

BN “Dude, I was just thinking, if I died tomorrow, I would be 100% happy with the life I’ve had.”

DC “That’s cool, bro. Not me, I got shit to do before I go.”

BN “Well me too! I am just sayin’ that I have lived a good life so far with no regrets, and have enjoyed every minute of it. I have had problems just like everybody else, but I look around and realize how much happier I am then SOO many people.”

DC “Well that’s good man. I am glad to hear that. I don’t know why you’re  going all serious on me all of a sudden.”

BN “haha I am just saying dude!”

2:00am: We all leave the house we are at. Brandon leaves for offshore. I leave for my house.

2:15am: I am laying in bed, and start to think about what Brandon said to me. What if I die tomorrow? Am I happy with the life I lived? Am I living my dreams? Do I have regrets? Have I made a difference in anybody’s life? What will be my legacy? How do I want to be remembered?

3:01am: Still awake, rolling around in bed. Can’t stop reflecting on my life. Can’t wait to wake up tomorrow and start accomplishing things!

3:17am: Damn Brandon, why did you put those f*****g thoughts in my head. I’m stressing out!

3:46: I pass out

Tuesday, August 16th

11:30am: I am on my way to Oklahoma. I get a call from my friend, Michael

11:31pm:

Mike “Hey dude, did you hear about Brandon?

DC “Noland? What about him?”

Mike  “He died this morning, D.”

DC *Silence….* “Wait what? What do you mean?”

Mike “He got into an offshore accident dude, I’m sorry.”

11:33am: My stomach twists.

11:34am:

DC “I have to go man, I’ll call you later.”

Mike “Later dude.”

11:35am: I ride for the next 2 hours in complete silence. No radio. Turn off my phone.

I didn’t believe it. I REALLY didn’t believe it. I expected the dude to show up to his own funeral. Since I didn’t believe it, I showed no emotion. I didn’t cry the day I heard about it, I didn’t cry at his funeral, I didn’t cry at the reception. What was wrong with me I thought? This is one of my best friends, he’s gone, and I don’t even have one tear. Do I even have a heart?

Sunday, August 21st

I am making the long drive back to North Carolina. Three hours into my trip, out of nowhere, I lose my composure. I cry like a 6-year old girl. I have to pull over. Memory after memory race though my mind. It hit me, the dude was gone, forever. No more jokes, no more stories, no more hitting him up on the phone, nothing. I am now mad at myself for being such a pansy. “He wouldn’t want me crying like a little girl” I thought. “He himself would call me a bitch.”

Over the past month I have been thinking and thinking about what Brandon said to me that Saturday night. Life is TOO SHORT for us to feel sadness, anger, envy, contempt, and other negative emotions. In 2004, Harvard University took a poll from its students. 4 out of every 5 student had symptoms or feelings of depression. 4 out of 5! Are you kidding me? Obviously, there is a lot of stress that comes a long with being a Harvard student, but DAMN! These numbers are very similar in a lot of universities around the country. This blog is not about physical health like I usually write about, it is about the mental health of our generation. Mental health is being shown to be more and more important, and equally as important as physical health.

Life is no trial, it is a one time thing. Create what you want to create, do what you want to do, be who you want to be. We are all caught up in what others think. Guess what! You are going to “disappoint” your parents, piss off your peers, and do things you aren’t proud of. However, you can CHOOSE how to respond to these situations.

I don’t want to make you guys sad or anything like that. I just want you to think about a bigger picture next time you are upset or stressed. I understand having a 10 page paper due in 3 hours or so-and-so “talking behind your back.” That kind of stuff can take a mental toll on our people, but look, you are ALIVE! So every time you go into that place of “poor me” just think about how lucky you really are. Think about how Brandon’s mom feels? How his sister feels? THAT is pain. THAT is tragedy. No parent should EVER have to watch their child go.

Since Brandon’s death I have changed in that I call my family more, I don’t stress about what other people think about me, I do stuff that I enjoy & love, I take more chances, and I ask myself every night “did I enjoy life today?” I know this blog is a little different than my usual, but I just want you guys to see that we really don’t have time to be negative in life. Just do your thing, set goals, tell jokes, and enjoy yourself! Being healthy & happy mentally is equally important in living a long healthy life.