My name is Doris Ann High. I am a junior at Oklahoma State University, and love every minute of the college experience. I was so excited when Danny asked me to do a guest post for College Body because I had the PERFECT idea of what to write about!
I am just a regular college girl that loves living the college life! I love hanging with friends, going to parties, flirting with boys, and everything else that comes with the college lifestyle. However, I do feel like I have something figured out that many of my peers do not. I seem to be a lot more confident than many of my friends and acquaintances. I never have and negative “self-talk”, I never feel uncomfortable in situations with boys, and anytime somebody says something negative to/about me I never lose sleep over it. I don’t think I’m better than anybody else, but I am DEFINITELY very secure and comfortable with whom I am.
I have not always been this confident in myself. When I was a sophomore in high school my grandmother died, and it was the most tragic event that has ever happened in my life. I was raised by my grandparents, so I have always looked up to both of them as my role models, and for guidance in life. My grandmother was a very special lady. There is no doubt in my mind that I am the way I am today because of all she has taught me. I looked up to her in so many ways. When she passed my self-esteem hit an all-time low. I began think negative thought after negative thought to myself. I thought I was ugly. I thought that there was nothing special about me. I was completely depressed. I grew apart from many of my friends, and I became very negative about life.
Then, one Friday night I was alone in my room just reflecting on all the sudden changes that had gone on in my life, and something just clicked. I am not sure exactly what happened, but I knew that I did not like how I was living and I had to do something about it. On that day I made a conscious decision to change how I thought about myself and about life in general. I was tired of being depressed, and looking at myself in the mirror thinking I was ugly. I decided that for now on I would wake up every day and tell myself that I was beautiful, and there was something very special about me.
Confidence is NOT just a switch you can turn on. Confidence is something that takes practice. So no, I didn’t just decide I was going change that night, and woke up in the morning a completely different person. I just made a decision that night to practice being confident and believing in myself.
It is AMAZING how my life has changed since I made that decision. The more I told myself all these positive affirmations the more things went my way! Boys began to approach me, I began making more and more friends, and I began to feel happy again like I was before my grandmother passed.
I now go on dates all the time, constantly meet new people, and I am enjoying every single day of this beautiful life! I am constantly asked how I always stay so positive and confident, so that is exactly what I wanted to share with all of College Body’s followers! So here are my four tips to change your life and become confident. I hope these tips can help you change your life as I did mine.
1) Fake It Til You Make It- As I said before, being confident is not an overnight success type thing. It is a long process that takes A LOT of practice. It is not a difficult task to wake up in the morning, look at yourself in the mirror and say “Damn I look sexy today.” It DOES NOT matter if you truly believe it or not. This is the very first step. It is amazing how after time of repeating the same things day-in and day-out can make you truly begin to believe them. And once you believe them other people will follow your lead, and believe them as well! I know this sounds voodoo-ish, but I swear it works!
2) Put Yourself Out There- Get your ass up and meet new people. Whenever I go out I have ONE thing on my mind: Meet new people! My goal every night I go out is to make AT LEAST three new friends. I do this because it puts me out of my comfort zone. The only way for us to grow is to step outside your little comfort circle! The “meeting three people” goal is just one of the strategies that I use. Maybe for you it is to join a club, talk to that cute girl/guy from class, or sit by a new person at lunch. Just do things that make you uncomfortable, and soon these “uncomfortable situations” become A PART of your comfort zone.
3) Confidence Verse Cockiness- There is nothing sexier, more attractive, or more appealing than somebody with confidence. I remember there was this extremely good looking guy that I was ALL into. But when we started talking I sensed a tremendous lack of confidence and insecurity. Why would I want to be around somebody whom I had to constantly reassure that he was good looking, smart, funny, or whatever. HOWEVER, you cannot take this stuff over the top and become arrogant. What is the difference between the two? “Cockiness” is really just a cover for insecurity. Those who talk about themselves ALL THE TIME are some of the worst individuals to spend time with, and we all know somebody like this. These people do not truly believe the things they say about themselves which is why they are constantly trying to “convince” you of their greatness. Confidence is something within you that you KNOW you have (you know how interesting, special, unique, etc you are, so you do not feel the need to tell everybody). That is why you HEAR arrogant individuals, but FEEL confident individuals.
4) Embrace Rejection- Rejection happens to EVERYONE. Well, at least those with big enough balls to put themselves out there. I have been rejected many times before, and I it sucks. Nobody wakes up and says I really want to be rejected today. This goes back to that tip of “putting yourself out there. Those who do will most certainly get rejected, but it is important to see each rejection of failure as a learning opportunity. If somebody rejects you it is because of something going on with them, and has nothing to do with you. Do not let the fear of rejection or failure allow you to miss out on experiences in life. I would rather go be rejected than have regrets, or saying “what if.”
These four steps have completely changed my life. I try to incorporate these four things every single day. I hope you have found them useful, and use them in your own life! Because I promise having confidence will take your life to places you never thought it could go.